well now

So here it comes! The thoughts and memories of me. A woman that I for years tried desperately to hide.From a young age I was told that everything I liked or wanted was stupid and that I was ugly. I once came back from church and was told that god loved everyone but me. As a child you believe these things. I was abused at home and bullied at school. My only safe zone was the farm of my grandparents and that came to a shattering halt one Sunday after church. I had confessed to my mother that my step father was molesting me. My grandmother the only one who loved me slapped me across the face and told me to quit lying. I also had a children services worker tel me that she had spoken to my abusers and that I was lying. So everything I waas told was right no one loved me and no one would protect me. How do u recover from that...........the answer is very slowly and painfully. My grandmother did apologize about 8 years later but it was too late. My ability to feel love was gone. Even now I close my self off from my husband at times. I try but sometimes I relapse into that world.